Perpetual Search vs. My Sanlity

As a provider and Christian woman, to me, praying for a diagnosis, no matter what the outcome, was, and is, a horrible thought. Especially when my usual view is to be healthy, live life to your best and move on with diligence and faith . But as a patient, each day I prayed that someone, somewhere, would figure me out and that I wasn't crazy. That the Doctors could actually see what I was feeling and understand my struggle. Each visit to Cleveland led to hope to only fall again to the place of uncertainty, self questioning, and declining health.

The last visit to Cleveland provided insight resulting in a positive test, FINALLY. My alpha glucosidase level appeared low. Now, where one challenge ended, a new one began.

I finally could let my secret out and let others know because, you see, I had told very few people about my issues, being to proud, not wanting pity, help or my issues to be noticed.

My doctors spoke to more doctors and were developing a plan, but still unsure of a diagnosis, I was encouraged to see yet another doctor in NYC for confirmation. This plan brought about fear, what if we haven't found the problem, what if I start back at square one again, what if I have told all these people about a problem I don't have, and worse.....what if I come home again with nothing?